darlingfox (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
darlingfox) wrote2011-03-07 12:05 am
darlingfox) wrote2011-03-07 12:05 am
sparkle like a Cullen!
I just watched Twilight (it was on TV) and I made notes.
I dislike this whole "let’s tint everything blue!" business. I assume it’s meant to symbolize & emphasize the weather and the general wangst, but it just looks stupid.
Bella: >:o
Edward: |:(
Great acting, guys!
Why’s no one questioning the fact that Dr. Cullen looks like he’s escaped from his own funeral?
Oh, wait, they’re all deathly pale, it’s not like he stands out that much.
Bella: You pushed the car away with your hand!
Edward: No one’s going to believe you.
WTF? The car was all but totalled, that’s evidence right there! Come to think of it, why isn’t anyone asking what happened to the car? They all believe in spontaneous and localized metal destruction?
Edward: We shouldn’t be friends.
Bella: You should’ve thought about that before you saved me.
aslkdfjnjed you’re not friends! You’ve talked like twice! If I’d save some random dude, that wouldn’t make him my friend.
Yeah, they’re making everyone but the Cullens and Bella look lame and nerdy. Or, you know, normal. The Cullens and Bella look lame and constipated, and also really fucking creepy.
Bella [to another girl]: You’re a strong, independent woman.
OH THE IRONY.
And Jacob dons the Captain Exposition hat. Sepia, a sure way to tell that we’re in the flashback land.
Yeah, you know, in my head-canon, the other girls & guys hang out with Bella out of pity. Nothing else explains it.
Somehow Bella managed to find the dark & dangerous streets after leaving a sparkly dress-shop which seemed to be on a very lively street. She’s clearly too stupid to live.
What was it that RPattz said about Edward being a depressed psycho? Because I actually believe it. He acts like a block of wood, but at least it’s a depressed and psychotic block of wood! Anyone but Bella would run for the hills because good old Edward is Creepy McCreeperson.
Google is all-knowing, we know.
Bella: I think I figured out their secret. They're extremely dangerous bloodsuckers! My next step is obvious: I must go deep into the woods without telling anyone and let Creepy McCreeperson follow me. Great plan!
TOO STUPID TO LIVE.
Riiiiiight, how can you be so sure he wouldn’t hurt you? (Answer: because he's the designed love interest)
Ahahahahahahahaaaaa, the special running effects are special all right! XDXDXDXDXDXD AND THE SPARKLES, OH MY GOD, DYING OF LAUGHTER. THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER.
Edward: I’ve killed people. I wanted to kill you. I want to eat you.
Bella: I trust you.
And she's supposed to be some kind of a role model for teenaged girls? D: D:
AND THE LION FELL IN LOVE WITH THE LAMB. GUYS, THIS IS COMEDY GOLD. Also obviously a thinly veiled reference to Heaven. You won’t fool me, Meyer.
SPARKLES. DYING.
Bella says she loves Edward. Nothing so far has given me any reason to believe that there’s anything worth loving in him or that she, you know, loves him. Saying it doesn’t count. Show, not tell!
Ooooh, Carlisle just bit Edward (in sepia). That ten seconds was hotter than the hour that’s been about Bella and Edward. I notice that there was no explanation for Carlisle’s decision to bite him. I’ll assume he did it just because he liked the pretty prey.
Even their domestic is creepy. I still have difficulties wrapping my head around the fact that they pretend to be one (1) family and yet date each other openly. You can't have the cake and eat it. In the real world there'd be more than a few concerned eyebrows raising .
If I were a vampire, I wouldn’t spend an eternity in high-school, no matter how young I looked.
HE’S RUNNING UP A TREE. THESE EFFECTS SURE ARE SPECIAL. XDXD
Edward plays the piano like a pro. Well, I guess he’s had time to learn it in all those moping years when he couldn’t even wank.
Edward: I like to watch you when you sleep.
Normal woman: CALL THE POLICE!
Bella: *swoons*
Edward: Stop touching me, you vile temptress!
Bella: I’m sorry.
Yes, it’s obviously a woman’s fault when a man can’t control himself.
I might actually like Charlie. He tries to be a father while Bella is just. there. And that scene with the shotgun was almost funny.
Against all odds that baseball managed to avoid every tree in the forest both going and coming.
How to tell they’re the bad guys: two guys and one woman (the Cullens come in heterosexual twos), clothes that make them vaguely hot (the Cullens aim for fashionable wholesomeness), one of them is black (the Cullens are as white as snow).
Staring alpha male contest for the lulz! With hissing, even. Edward’s first thoughts are to rip-kill-slay-tear-apart and Bella isn’t worried at all? He could’ve suggested talking first, just to look less like a violent psycho.
Way to go Bella, hurt the one person I don’t actively loathe in this movie!
I might like Rosalie too. She seems to be sensible and doesn’t throw herself at Bella’s feet right away.
How did Bella escape from Alice and her boyfriend? And how come they didn’t hear her talking with the bad guy? She was right there and talked loudly!
Bad guy: ...You made this really easy.
Damn right she did. Too stupid to live.
Edward to the rescue! How did he know where Bella was? This movie skips important details like that all the time.
You know, the bad guy had just sunk his teeth into Bella’s arm. If Edward would’ve tackled him like that in real world, Bella would’ve lost an arm.
Why is it morally better for the other Cullen guys (notice: not the girls) to burn the bad guy alive than for Edward to rip his head off?
Okay, that explanation was so improbable that I can’t believe people bought it. And how are they going to explain the destroyed ballet hall? Are the Cullens secretly super-carpenters who fixed it in one night?
THAT JACOB + WOLVES FORESHADOWING WAS SO SUBTLE.
Slow dances. If they suddenly start floating, I won’t be surprised.
I still don’t understand why I’m supposed to believe that they’re this epic one true love story. The movie didn’t show them falling in love. I only saw Edward being Creepy McCreeperson (kudos to RPattz, I guess) and Bella being devoid of any rational thought.
...I'm almost tempted to watch the sequels. Just to see if they're as bad, not because I enjoyed this (well, okay, I enjoyed the snark)!
I dislike this whole "let’s tint everything blue!" business. I assume it’s meant to symbolize & emphasize the weather and the general wangst, but it just looks stupid.
Bella: >:o
Edward: |:(
Great acting, guys!
Why’s no one questioning the fact that Dr. Cullen looks like he’s escaped from his own funeral?
Oh, wait, they’re all deathly pale, it’s not like he stands out that much.
Bella: You pushed the car away with your hand!
Edward: No one’s going to believe you.
WTF? The car was all but totalled, that’s evidence right there! Come to think of it, why isn’t anyone asking what happened to the car? They all believe in spontaneous and localized metal destruction?
Edward: We shouldn’t be friends.
Bella: You should’ve thought about that before you saved me.
aslkdfjnjed you’re not friends! You’ve talked like twice! If I’d save some random dude, that wouldn’t make him my friend.
Yeah, they’re making everyone but the Cullens and Bella look lame and nerdy. Or, you know, normal. The Cullens and Bella look lame and constipated, and also really fucking creepy.
Bella [to another girl]: You’re a strong, independent woman.
OH THE IRONY.
And Jacob dons the Captain Exposition hat. Sepia, a sure way to tell that we’re in the flashback land.
Yeah, you know, in my head-canon, the other girls & guys hang out with Bella out of pity. Nothing else explains it.
Somehow Bella managed to find the dark & dangerous streets after leaving a sparkly dress-shop which seemed to be on a very lively street. She’s clearly too stupid to live.
What was it that RPattz said about Edward being a depressed psycho? Because I actually believe it. He acts like a block of wood, but at least it’s a depressed and psychotic block of wood! Anyone but Bella would run for the hills because good old Edward is Creepy McCreeperson.
Google is all-knowing, we know.
Bella: I think I figured out their secret. They're extremely dangerous bloodsuckers! My next step is obvious: I must go deep into the woods without telling anyone and let Creepy McCreeperson follow me. Great plan!
TOO STUPID TO LIVE.
Riiiiiight, how can you be so sure he wouldn’t hurt you? (Answer: because he's the designed love interest)
Ahahahahahahahaaaaa, the special running effects are special all right! XDXDXDXDXDXD AND THE SPARKLES, OH MY GOD, DYING OF LAUGHTER. THIS IS THE SKIN OF A KILLER.
Edward: I’ve killed people. I wanted to kill you. I want to eat you.
Bella: I trust you.
And she's supposed to be some kind of a role model for teenaged girls? D: D:
AND THE LION FELL IN LOVE WITH THE LAMB. GUYS, THIS IS COMEDY GOLD. Also obviously a thinly veiled reference to Heaven. You won’t fool me, Meyer.
SPARKLES. DYING.
Bella says she loves Edward. Nothing so far has given me any reason to believe that there’s anything worth loving in him or that she, you know, loves him. Saying it doesn’t count. Show, not tell!
Ooooh, Carlisle just bit Edward (in sepia). That ten seconds was hotter than the hour that’s been about Bella and Edward. I notice that there was no explanation for Carlisle’s decision to bite him. I’ll assume he did it just because he liked the pretty prey.
Even their domestic is creepy. I still have difficulties wrapping my head around the fact that they pretend to be one (1) family and yet date each other openly. You can't have the cake and eat it. In the real world there'd be more than a few concerned eyebrows raising .
If I were a vampire, I wouldn’t spend an eternity in high-school, no matter how young I looked.
HE’S RUNNING UP A TREE. THESE EFFECTS SURE ARE SPECIAL. XDXD
Edward plays the piano like a pro. Well, I guess he’s had time to learn it in all those moping years when he couldn’t even wank.
Edward: I like to watch you when you sleep.
Normal woman: CALL THE POLICE!
Bella: *swoons*
Edward: Stop touching me, you vile temptress!
Bella: I’m sorry.
Yes, it’s obviously a woman’s fault when a man can’t control himself.
I might actually like Charlie. He tries to be a father while Bella is just. there. And that scene with the shotgun was almost funny.
Against all odds that baseball managed to avoid every tree in the forest both going and coming.
How to tell they’re the bad guys: two guys and one woman (the Cullens come in heterosexual twos), clothes that make them vaguely hot (the Cullens aim for fashionable wholesomeness), one of them is black (the Cullens are as white as snow).
Staring alpha male contest for the lulz! With hissing, even. Edward’s first thoughts are to rip-kill-slay-tear-apart and Bella isn’t worried at all? He could’ve suggested talking first, just to look less like a violent psycho.
Way to go Bella, hurt the one person I don’t actively loathe in this movie!
I might like Rosalie too. She seems to be sensible and doesn’t throw herself at Bella’s feet right away.
How did Bella escape from Alice and her boyfriend? And how come they didn’t hear her talking with the bad guy? She was right there and talked loudly!
Bad guy: ...You made this really easy.
Damn right she did. Too stupid to live.
Edward to the rescue! How did he know where Bella was? This movie skips important details like that all the time.
You know, the bad guy had just sunk his teeth into Bella’s arm. If Edward would’ve tackled him like that in real world, Bella would’ve lost an arm.
Why is it morally better for the other Cullen guys (notice: not the girls) to burn the bad guy alive than for Edward to rip his head off?
Okay, that explanation was so improbable that I can’t believe people bought it. And how are they going to explain the destroyed ballet hall? Are the Cullens secretly super-carpenters who fixed it in one night?
THAT JACOB + WOLVES FORESHADOWING WAS SO SUBTLE.
Slow dances. If they suddenly start floating, I won’t be surprised.
I still don’t understand why I’m supposed to believe that they’re this epic one true love story. The movie didn’t show them falling in love. I only saw Edward being Creepy McCreeperson (kudos to RPattz, I guess) and Bella being devoid of any rational thought.
...I'm almost tempted to watch the sequels. Just to see if they're as bad, not because I enjoyed this (well, okay, I enjoyed the snark)!